10 Tips for Approaching Single Women

4 09 2008

By David Wygant

What do you do when you see a woman you are attracted to?

Do you run and hide?

Do you use some canned line that you read on the Internet?

Do you stand there in fear trying to think of the right thing to say?

What is the right thing to do?

When approaching a woman, most guys make the mistake of thinking too much about what to say. They believe there’s one magic line that will work in all situations. They rehearse this magic line, and when they deliver it, they hope the woman will become instantly attracted to them.
Unfortunately, rarely does this approach work — because most of what you say is irrelevant. To catch a woman’s attention, it is all about the confidence you display when approaching her.
Here are 10 surefire ways to intrigue her every time:

1. Observe something
Make a comment about something you observe in the environment. This is especially effective at the grocery store. For example, if she is ordering a turkey sandwich, ask her if the turkey is good here.
Make your comment immediate to the situation and it will seem perfectly natural. No matter where you are, there is always something interesting to comment on.

2. Smile
This shows her that you are friendly and confident. A genuine smile not only feels good to you, but will put her at ease while creating openness in the interaction — a requirement for building rapport.

3. Do not hesitate
If you hesitate in your approach, this tells her that you are not feeling confident — an immediate turn-off. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Show her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

4. Positive body language
If you approach hunched over with your head down, you are sending negative information about yourself, which makes you dead in the water before you begin. Stand up straight, with shoulders back and chest out, and use a firm yet relaxed walk.

5. Not too fast
If you walk over too fast, you could likely trigger her internal alarm. A calm, casual approach is usually the best way to make her feel at ease with you.

6. Keep eye contact
Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this.

7. Listen up
Make sure you pay careful attention to what she says. Do not have your response pre-thought out. Women love a man who pays attention to the details of what she says. If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.

8. Do not fidget
Fidgeting after you approach is distracting and shows you are uncomfortable. If you communicate that you are uncomfortable, she will feel uncomfortable, too, and will close up. Practice being aware of your movements. Pay attention to those movements, or lack of movements, that communicate comfort and confidence.

9. Lighten your tone of voice
The tone of your voice is a very powerful tool. Approaching her in a light and playful tone is one of the best ways to start. You could also begin in a serious tone, accusing her of something like “I hope you saved some turkey for me,” followed by a quick smile to let her know you are joking. Practice playing with your vocal tone with your friends — notice the different reactions you get when you say the exact same thing using varied tones and fluctuations.

10. Lean away from her
A man who leans in too far when he talks often makes a woman feel crowded. A better approach is to lean away from her slightly. This lets her know that you respect her space, boundaries, and are comfortable with yourself.

The key to making these tips work for you is putting them into practice! Practice these tips and see the reaction you get. When you put them all together, you will be surprised at their power.





Golden Rules for Finding Your Life Partner

27 08 2008

by Dov Heller, MA

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the ..1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically correct”, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:

(1) You can grow together, or

(2) You can grow apart.

50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!

Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the world:

(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective…

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance.. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention…Which ones lift and which ones lean?

Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you…the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye”; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren’t really that
important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?

Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay.

If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life”; you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:

1. TRUST

2. COMMUNICATION

3. INTIMACY

4. A SENSE OF HUMOR

5. SHARING TASKS

6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes, etc.)

8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS

9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE

10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

Happy Searching… 🙂





No Such Guy Exists Anymore

10 03 2008

If only there’s a guy who will do all these:

When she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]

When she stare’s at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]

When she pushes you or hit’s you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]

When she start’s cussing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]

When she’s quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]

When she ignore’s you
[ Give her your attention ]

When she pull’s away
[ Pull her back ]

When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she’s beautiful ]

When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]

When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]

When she’s scared
[ Protect her ]

When she lay’s her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]

When she steal’s your favorite hat
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]

When she tease’s you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]

When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]

When she look’s at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When she say’s that she like’s you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]

When she grab’s at your hands
[ Hold her’s and play with her fingers ]

When she bump’s into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]

When she tell’s you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]

When she misses you
[ she’s hurting inside ]

When you break her heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]

When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]

– Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.

– When she’s mad hug her tight and don’t let go

– When she says she’s ok dont believe it, talk with her

– because 10 yrs later she’ll remember you

– Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

– Call her before you sleep and after you wake up

– Treat her like she’s all that matters to you.

– Tease her and let her tease you back.

– Stay up all night with her when she’s sick.

– Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

– Give her the world.

– Let her wear your clothes.

– When she’s bored and sad, hang out with her.

– Let her know she’s important.

– Kiss her in the pouring rain.

– When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
“Who’s ass am I kicking babe?”





Do Opposites Attract?

22 02 2008

It’s been my experience that only opposites attract because that’s the nature of reality. There’s a polarity in the universe physically that is also reflected in relationships, especially when it comes to personality traits. So a high-energy person will be attracted to a low-energy person, an intellectual person will be attracted to an intuitive person, and so on. The great myth in our culture is that compatibility is the grounds for a relationship — actually, compatibility is grounds for boredom. Incompatibility makes for a dynamic, powerful, growing, exciting relationship. But this comes with a cost and a benefit — because it is the context for most growth and ultimate happiness.

Though opposites attract at first, eventually they repel. And that’s when the growth can happen — because we are going to be attracted to somebody who’s a carrier of undeveloped parts of ourselves. All of us have thinking, feeling, sensing, and movement, which I call “the four functions of the self.” But when we were growing up, most of our parents validated just two of those functions and invalidated the other two. So if I am a thinker, a parent probably said at some point, “I really like the way you think.” But if I cried or whined, they said, “Stop complaining and grow up.” So I will be attracted to somebody who is full of feelings because I had to keep my feelings in.

The attraction of opposites causes you to experience transiently what I call “spurious wholeness.” But when you get committed in the relationship, your unwholeness shows up. Then suddenly you want that person not to have that trait, because it reminds you of a missing part of yourself that was rejected in childhood by your caretakers, and you will tend to reject it in your potential partner. And that turns out to be the growth area for you. So when your opposite shows up, you’ve got a keeper. Then you have to figure out how to get them in the boat and then stay in the boat with them — all the way home.

Source: Yahoo! Personals





Buying the Best Chocolate for Your Valentine

10 02 2008

Buying the best chocolate for Valentine’s Day (or any other occasion) almost never happens by accident. Learning to recognize fine-quality chocolate isn’t difficult, it’s not nearly as expensive as learning about wine, and it’s just as much fun. With a little direction and some practice tasting chocolate (tough, I know, but I’m pretty sure you’re up to the challenge), you’ll be able to wow your date or your mate with your newfound chocolate expertise.

The five things you need to know about buying chocolate:

1. The most important thing to look for when buying chocolate is freshness.

When you look for great wine you go to a store that specializes in wine, not the corner convenience store. The same thing holds true for chocolate. You’re going to find the best chocolate in places that specialize in chocolate. If you don’t have a chocolatier or chocolate shop near you, your next best bet is a gourmet store or high-end market. These stores often carry chocolates made by top local artisan chocolatiers.

Boxed chocolates that you’re likely to find in the supermarket or drug store are made with ingredients and recipes that allow them to be stored at room temperature for six months or more without going bad. It might be edible, but it’s definitely not as tasty as chocolate that’s been made fresh.

If you are unlucky enough not to live near a chocolatier you like, you can shop confidently over the Internet. The key is to seek out small, artisan chocolatiers and to avoid chocolatiers whose products can be found at retail around the country. You’re looking for small production, not mass market.

2. The second most important thing to look for is price, and it’s important to remember: You don’t get what you don’t pay for.

Believe it or not, chocolate is one of the least expensive gourmet foods you can buy. Looked at one way, the most expensive chocolates in the world cost more than $100 a pound; looked at another way (and this is the way you should be looking at it), the most expensive bar of chocolate in the world costs about $10, and a couple of the highest-quality truffles or bonbons will set you back less than $5.

If you walk into the one of the best-known and highest of the high-end French chocolate stores in Manhattan, the chocolate will cost about $90 a pound. However, you can put together a hand-picked selection in a gorgeous box for $25 or less.

While you may not be getting as much chocolate as you would in the two-pound assortment in the heart-shaped box at the local drugstore, in the end, which one will make the best impression?

3. No matter what the recipient might say, this is not the time or place to worry about diets.

Don’t even consider sugar-free unless you plan to give the chocolate to a diabetic. There are some decent low-glycemic index chocolates, but they are few and far between.

There is not supposed to be anything virtuous about chocolate. You want to feel good eating it, not feel good about eating it. If there is any hint of any issue regarding weight, focus on portion control, not dietetic attributes.

4. Buy flavors you know that the recipient likes.

If you know the recipient at all well, then you should have an idea of what they do and don’t like to eat. Use that knowledge as a guideline.

Maybe you’ve never been out to dinner together (this is a first or blind date), so you have no idea what kinds of foods the person likes. In this case, focus on what you like.

In case the date goes badly, at least you’ll like the chocolate you were planning to give.

5. Finally, never give (or re-gift) chocolate that you would not eat yourself to someone you are trying to impress.

Armed with this knowledge, you’ll be able to buy great chocolate, and maybe — who knows? — you’ll get lucky in love, too.

Source: Yahoo! Personals





Unbalanced Relationship

7 02 2008

Feel like you put more of yourself into the relationship than your partner? Here are 5 tips to bring back balance

After the holidays, you looked at the mounds of wrapping paper surrounding your mate, then you examined your own paltry ashtray full of tissue paper. “That’s not fair!” you tell yourself, “I’m tired of being the only one to give in this relationship. When do I get?”

This scenario doesn’t just happen during the holidays. If you’re sensing there’s an imbalance between what you give and what you get in the relationship, it’s probably a feeling that is with you all year long. It’s easy for me to explain away this problem by simply saying, “This is because you are so much more loving and thoughtful than your partner, and your mate is more ignorant and uncaring than you.”

Maybe that is the case. But before you jump to conclusions, consider the possibility that your partner sees him or herself as giving plenty to the relationship. He or she may also believe there’s an imbalance, but concludes it’s because you’re not pulling your weight!

Why relationships are imbalanced

Two elements contribute to relationship imbalance: keeping score and differences in individual needs.

Let’s look first at scorekeeping. Early in your relationship you didn’t consciously keep track of who was giving what. Back then, you were so excited about this attractive new soul that just being together counted for more than any individual act on his or her part. During courting, you tended to give your mate the benefit of the doubt, and every effort to make you happy was appreciated. If he gave you yellow roses (even though you love white) you were happy; if she bought you tickets to a Guns N’ Roses concert even though you preferred Jimmy Buffet, you were thrilled.

During the introductory period, you looked at wrongly-chosen gifts and attention as ways to learn more about your partner, not as an automatic judgment of how well they knew you. By the time your official courting days ended and you decided to take your relationship to the next level, your unconscious scorekeeper led you to the impression that you were getting a lot — and you planned on having it stay that way.

As the relationship proceeds, the scorekeeping becomes more conscious and often appears to be more out of balance. One reason your partner seems to come up short is because once people take their relationship to the next level, they do focus less on doing things specifically to please their mate. It’s normal, of course, for some courting behaviors to dip, but thoughtfulness shouldn’t disappear off the face of the earth!In fact, in most long-term relationships the giving doesn’t stop. So if there’s a fair amount of generosity on both sides, why does it seem like the giving well has dried up?

Bad assumptions

The reason is because of assumptions about who your partner is and what your partner needs. When you give truckloads of the things you value, you wonder why your partner doesn’t appreciate it and doesn’t reciprocate. That may be because you’re giving what you would like to have and not what your partner wants or needs. After settling down, if he continues to give her yellow roses on a daily basis, she begins to feel neglected because he should know she likes white roses.

Each partner makes a gesture, saying to themselves, “I give and give!” and receives by reflecting, “I’m not getting what I want.” As couples proceed day in and day out, they start to tally up what is owed to them and see that their partners are coming up woefully short.

The imbalances occur over many more issues than simply gifts.One partner may spend hours cleaning up the house spotlessly (as a gesture of love) and the other partner may not even notice. Another partner may stay at work and earn extra money for the family (as a gesture of love) and may arrive home to a mate who’s annoyed that dinner was delayed. Not only doesn’t the extra income “count” as giving to the relationship, it’s actually seen as detracting from the relationship.

Restoring the balance

The problems can be solved, though, with a few steps to get the scales adjusted.

1. Focus less on keeping score and more on maintaining the relationship as a partnership. Remember, you’re both on the same team, and the goal is to keep it moving in the right direction.

2. Be open to the things your partner is giving you that you may not have appreciated before. Your mate may be making a contribution in ways you may not notice, such as suggesting a better tie to go with that shirt, fixing something around the house, or just sitting by your side when you’re blue.

3. Look for what your partner wants from you to show love. (Hint: it may be the things he or she does for you.) If you can learn what your mate values, you have a better chance of knowing what to give. Once you figure it out, don’t hold back, even though it’s something that you wouldn’t value yourself.

4. Don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind. If you want certain things, let him or her know. Be ready to experience some slip-ups along the way, as old habits are hard to break. But don’t be frustrated, and continue to be clear about the things that you value; eventually you’ll start getting more of it.

5. When you make a mental list of needs and wants, include the following: “to see my mate happy.” That way, even when it seems like your partner is getting all the good presents on the holidays, you can still take some pleasure in his or her joy.
If you struggle with feeling like you get the short end of the stick, in most cases you can work to get things back in balance. That’s something that both of you want.

Source: Yahoo! Personals